I wrote the following on my car ride home from the hospice home that she passed away in and was honored to have read it allowed at her funeral. I love you, grandma.
My Last Sleepover With Grandma
When I was a little girl, blonde hair, blue eyes, a dimple
in my left cheek and freckles across my nose… I was a princess.
I slept on a fluffy, white bear skinned rug. I was served a
soft boiled egg and juice in bed. I played with porcelain dolls and was
chauffeured around in a white limo, at least that’s what it felt like to me.
When I received the call that there wasn’t much time left, I
was taken back to those days. The days when my grandma made me feel like I was
a princess…
As I rushed to be by her side I began to recall all the
memories that I had misplaced. The remembrances of all the time spent with my
grandma.
Oh my gosh… I never told her “thank you”. Thank you for
everything that she had done for me. The immeasurable love, forgiveness and
generosity that she had shown to me. I am so sorry that I didn’t visit more.
Sorry that, as I grew older, I didn’t make you more of a priority in my life.
I couldn’t get to her fast enough…
When I finally arrived, which seemed to take forever, she
was lying there in a painless sleep. Her heart was pumping like crazy but her
mind was already fast asleep.
Was she dreaming? Was she already making her glorious
appearance in Heaven? Could she hear me if I spoke to her? What should I say to
her? “Grandma, it is okay. You rest now. You have paved a beautiful path for
us, we will all be just fine. You have lived your life, a full life. Full of
great adventures. Now it is time for you to go on the greatest journey of your
life! No more pain. No more needles or insolent. No more worry or anxiety.
Grandma, take a deep breath and rest.”
My last night with grandma was such a special night.
There were a total of six of us who stayed the night with
her. And while grandma lay there taking her last breaths, maybe checking into
heaven, the rest of us visited and actually laughed until wee hours of the next
morning. I know that if grandma were listening to all of us she would have been
very happy, and probably reassured that we were going to be okay.
Not wanting to close my eyes, as I may miss her last breath,
I laid down on the floor next to grandma’s bed, just like when I was her
“little princess”. I know that grandma loved that last night together, as I
did.
It wasn’t until the next day that grandma took her final
breath. Unfortunately, I wasn’t there, as much as I wanted to be, I do know
that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and honestly, I’m not sure that I would
have been able to watch her take that final breath. One thing that I am sure of
is that my grandma is all checked into Heaven and watching over all of us now.
Thank you for that one last sleep over grandma…
I love you!
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