I wrote the following on my car ride home from the hospice home that she passed away in and was honored to have read it allowed at her funeral. I love you, grandma.
My Last Sleepover With Grandma
When I was a little girl, blonde hair, blue eyes, a dimple in my left cheek and freckles across my nose… I was a princess.
I slept on a fluffy, white bear skinned rug. I was served a soft boiled egg and juice in bed. I played with porcelain dolls and was chauffeured around in a white limo, at least that’s what it felt like to me.
When I received the call that there wasn’t much time left, I was taken back to those days. The days when my grandma made me feel like I was a princess…
As I rushed to be by her side I began to recall all the memories that I had misplaced. The remembrances of all the time spent with my grandma.
Oh my gosh… I never told her “thank you”. Thank you for everything that she had done for me. The immeasurable love, forgiveness and generosity that she had shown to me. I am so sorry that I didn’t visit more. Sorry that, as I grew older, I didn’t make you more of a priority in my life.
I couldn’t get to her fast enough…
When I finally arrived, which seemed to take forever, she was lying there in a painless sleep. Her heart was pumping like crazy but her mind was already fast asleep.
Was she dreaming? Was she already making her glorious appearance in Heaven? Could she hear me if I spoke to her? What should I say to her? “Grandma, it is okay. You rest now. You have paved a beautiful path for us, we will all be just fine. You have lived your life, a full life. Full of great adventures. Now it is time for you to go on the greatest journey of your life! No more pain. No more needles or insolent. No more worry or anxiety. Grandma, take a deep breath and rest.”
My last night with grandma was such a special night.
There were a total of six of us who stayed the night with her. And while grandma lay there taking her last breaths, maybe checking into heaven, the rest of us visited and actually laughed until wee hours of the next morning. I know that if grandma were listening to all of us she would have been very happy, and probably reassured that we were going to be okay.
Not wanting to close my eyes, as I may miss her last breath, I laid down on the floor next to grandma’s bed, just like when I was her “little princess”. I know that grandma loved that last night together, as I did.
It wasn’t until the next day that grandma took her final breath. Unfortunately, I wasn’t there, as much as I wanted to be, I do know that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and honestly, I’m not sure that I would have been able to watch her take that final breath. One thing that I am sure of is that my grandma is all checked into Heaven and watching over all of us now.
Thank you for that one last sleep over grandma…
I love you!